Good morning, all.

More than one of you asked about Sen. Saxby Chambliss’ “girl” from my column yesterday. Only one of you raised an eyebrow toward his 1950s colloquialisms (“What, the good senator, has a Girl Friday for just such an occasion?”), however most of you were interested in her effectiveness.

Your wish. My command.

Believe me, as executive editor, I know of no secret handshake to get eartime with the senator. Like you, when it’s a matter of personal business, I’ve gotta wade through the same network of minions insulating him from the rest of us. I tried for week to get through to his office on the telephone, only to leave message after message. So when he spoke to our editorial board on one of his visits through town, I couldn’t help myself.

He had finished prattling on about our need to funnel illegal immigrants into “the system” so we can get them documented, back to work and paying taxes. (Remember, this was before Saxby was shown the light on immigration by the Georgia GOP base and became a “send-them-all-homer.”) It was one of those moments you love as a newspaperman: You could just tell the guy sitting in front of you knew nothing about the topic on which he was lecturing you. Period.

So I had to call him on it. I hit him with the Reader’s Digest version of “the system’s” inefficiencies from my first-hand experience. It concluded with the sentence, “With all due respect, your system is a joke.” Guess he hadn’t gotten that reaction too many places. His response, “Well, that may be. I have a girl in my office who handles that for us. You should call her.”

So, I did.

Her name escapes me this morning (I know it sits in a file at home somewhere), but no matter, the conversation remains vivid. For those of you who have never gone through this process of calling your elected representative (especially a senator’s office), I can say calling Saxby’s “girl” was akin to calling technical support on your computer.

First off, she assumed I was an idiot. Questions like “Did you check the Web site?” and “It’s should be right there on the form” aren’t exactly helping the cause. When I drilled down on specifics, ones only a frustrated-yet-informed constituent would raise, that’s when she went to the second rule of technical support, “Why answer today what you can pawn off on someone else next week.” She referred me to other folks in her office, saying they might be able to address “my specifics.” Right. I continued to question, but got nothing until she offered the best advice I’ve ever gotten from a public official:

“Maybe you need to get an attorney to help you.”

And that, my friends, sums up my point about this whole system: It’s not set up for the citizen consumer. Far from it.

It’s a nightmare established to subsidize attorneys and prop up a massive, bureaucratic infrastructure. Maybe making immigration this complex assures us of only getting folks who really, really want to be here. Maybe by making it this expensive we’re keeping those pesky tired, poor and huddled masses out. Or maybe, just maybe, like all government agency that gets politicized (as immigration did after 9/11), it’s broken because we’ll letting fools tinker with it.

As a good friend of mine once said, “who gave the gun to the baby?”

Like Saxby’s “girl,” the immigration system isn’t staffed with evil or even incompetent people. Imagine doing your job if you showed up to new rules, regulations and bosses every day. No, these folks are innocent victims of political tinkering from lawmakers who want to “do something about immigration,” but have no idea where to begin.

If you want to play immigrant at home, you can find the first round of paperwork here. For all follow-up visits, doctors appointments as well as the next several rounds of paperwork, feel free to contact Saxby.

I hear he’s got a “girl” for this kind of thing.

FIVE-MINUTE READ

Speaking of my column, I got lots of great comments from everyone. Lots of good questions raised and stories shared. Nice to know we’re not alone in our struggle with the system. I’ll admit, my favorite letter came in late last night. A chunk:

I do not mean to be disrespectful at all, but is it possible that you could have found a wife in the U.S., and your wife could have found a husband in Canada? It would have perhaps made things easier for both of you, and reduced your expenses. …

The two of you must have been quite in love, to be willing to jump through all of those bureaucratic hoops. My best of wishes for your marriage.”

Just two quick thoughts: Thanks for noticing. And we are. … I haven’t seen a guy booed like this since, well, the last time I saw this guy booed. And keep in mind, this was a home game for the president. …Fun read on the 25 greatest moments in Georgia music history. Lots of Athens moments throughout. How this didn’t make the cut, I’ll never know. … Bill Maher, always worth a listen, brings up an interesting point in the your-pastor-is-crazy argument when he demands Catholics must get up out of the pew and walk out of the church forever. … On a related note, save a few moments to take the Jesus or Barack test. No joke.

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Take five minutes out of your day to join Executive Editor Jason Winders here each morning. Stand up and be counted.